The Pumper's Wife

I don't know about you, but lately there's enough crap in the world I felt it time to share something not-so-crap-related, but hopefully humorous!  A septic story -- enjoy (P.S.  I do not know the source or I would quote it...)  As a guitarist, I play many gigs.  Recently, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man.  He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country.  As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.  There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.  I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.  I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.  I played out my heart an so

  This week we will talk about TOILET PAPER!! Yay!     What fun?! What fun?!     Who doesn’t LOVE talking about the substance we use to wipe the most disgusting items from our body?! Hip hip hooray!!   I know I have you going on a toilet-paper-celebrating-frenzy, but to be honest, toilet paper is no laughing matter when it comes to your septic system.  Believe it or not, using the wrong toilet paper can clog your system and leave you with a HUGE mess.  So, how do you know if you’re using the wrong toilet paper?     Let me help…    Unfortunately, all toilet papers claim to be “septic safe.”  This can be really confusing to the “new to septic” homeowner.  I’m sure all toilet papers will eventually break down once they get to the tank, but here’s the problem – if they are thicker, 3 ply, quilted toilet paper, they struggle to make it to the tank.   Here’s why…   When you use cheap, single ply toilet paper, the minute it hits the water and gets even the slightest agitation, it will start b

I know I’m usually all about poop and toilet paper, but today I’d like to discuss tires with you.  Tires? Why is the septic lady talking about tires?  Well, they are actually a pretty useful material when recycled, but let me back up a minute first.   Those of you who live in the Lancaster County area are probably pretty familiar with the high clay content in our soils.  High clay content doesn’t work so great for long functioning septic systems.  It traps water and keeps it there.  Not good for water and really bad for wastewater – pooling wastewater is gross, smelly, and nasty….and gross.  Did I mention gross?  For soil types with a failing perc rate (typically because of clay content), the customer will usually resort to a lagoon or polishing pond.  However, some developments have covenants against these wastewater systems so an engineered septic system is installed.   What’s an engineered septic system?  It’s basically a septic system with some sort of media in the lateral beds to